Fit Mom's Week to the Week You Actually Have: Count the Errands, the Drive, and Your Own Hours

When one daughter says she will just handle it, the first question is not whether she loves her mother enough. It is whether her week has room for the work. A promise made from a rough feeling tends to break on a Tuesday afternoon, so measure the load before you agree to it.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Log one ordinary week

For seven days, write down every task that comes from Mom's needs. Include the rides, the grocery run, the pharmacy pickup, the phone call that takes forty minutes to get through, the bill that needs a check written, and the trip to fix something that broke. Note the start time, the place, and how long you were actually away from your own work or home. Most people underestimate the small items, and the small items are what add up.

Count the drive as work

Drive time is part of the job, not the space between jobs. Include parking, the waiting room, the walk to the car, and the stop you make on the way home because you are already out. In a metro area like St. Louis, a single errand can take the better part of an afternoon once traffic and weather are counted, so write the full time, not the time on the map.

Set it beside your own hours

Put your job hours, your children's schedule, your own appointments, and your sleep on the same page. Then lay Mom's list over it. The question is simple: after your own commitments, how many hours are left, and do they fall on the days Mom's tasks cluster? If the total is more than what is left, you have a fit problem, not a character problem.

Hand off specific tasks, not vague help

Look at the list and sort each item into two piles: tasks that really need you there in person, and tasks another person could do by phone, online, or in a short trip. A hired non-medical helper can run an errand such as a pharmacy pickup or a grocery run. Deciding what medicine Mom takes and how it is given stays with the family, her doctor, and her pharmacist. Name each handoff on paper with a person and a day. The phrase 'more help' does not fit anyone's calendar, but a named task does.

Check the fit again in a month

A schedule that fit in the first month can crack later, when Mom needs more or your own week changes. Put a date on the calendar to repeat the log and compare. If the numbers have grown, the answer is another handoff or another helper, not a longer stretch of you doing everything.

For local options in the metro area, see the Local help page.