There is a particular kind of family meeting where the answer arrives before the question is asked. Someone says the move is decided, the aide is booked, or the car is being sold, and Mom is told afterward. The siblings may mean well. The problem is that Mom's own yes or no has quietly dropped out of the process, and you may be the one who notices first.
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Signs the pattern has started
Look at how the decisions are described. Notes that say we decided, or plans that arrive already scheduled, point to a process where Mom was informed rather than consulted. Watch whether she is asked to agree to something that was chosen before she was in the room, or whether her preferences appear anywhere in the written plan. If she is only ever asked to approve, the choice has already been made for her.
Check who was in the room
Make a short list of the decisions from the last few months. Next to each, write who proposed it, who agreed, and whether Mom heard the options in her own words. You are not building a case against anyone. You are finding out whether Mom's view ever entered the record. A pattern usually shows up quickly once it is on paper.
Ask Mom directly and privately
Sit with Mom without the group on speaker. Ask what matters most to her in her daily life, what she would refuse, and what she would accept if the family had to choose. Write her answers in her words and keep a copy where the siblings can see it before the next decision. This gives the family a fair starting point even when she has a hard time saying no out loud.
Find out what she can decide
If you are unsure whether Mom can make a particular choice, do not settle that question at the kitchen table. Ask her doctor for a plain explanation of what she is able to decide and what support she may need to decide it. For how legal decision-making authority works in Missouri, the sources page lists public references, and the Missouri Bar's public pages can help you find a lawyer if the question needs one. This checklist is not legal advice.
Put her preference first in the next meeting
At the next family discussion, open with Mom's stated preferences before anyone proposes a solution. If a sibling's plan conflicts with what she said, the difference becomes the agenda. The family may still choose a different path, but now the choice is made with her view on the table and not after it has been decided for her.