A standing job is a recurring task that someone agrees to keep doing: a weekly drive, a monthly bill run, a Sunday check-in. The job often gets offered in a hurry, and the yes often comes out of guilt or habit rather than a clear look at what it involves. Five questions will slow the moment down enough to see the job clearly. Ask them whether you are the one being asked or the one asking.

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Question one: what exactly is the job, and when does it happen?

Write the job in one sentence and the schedule in one line. 'Pick up the mail on Thursdays' is a job. 'Keep an eye on Mom' is not. Then ask which days, which hours, and what counts as done. If the job has a hidden second part, such as a phone call after every visit, put that on the page too. Hidden parts are where standing jobs go wrong.

Question two: who is the backup, and does the backup know the steps?

Every standing job needs a backup for the weeks when the first person cannot go. Ask who that is and whether they have actually done the job once. A backup who has never seen the steps is only a name on paper. Ask for one run together before the job changes hands.

Question three: what money is involved, and who pays it up front?

Some standing jobs carry costs: fuel, parking, a supply that runs out, a fee for a service. Ask who pays each cost, how it gets repaid, and how long repayment takes. A job that costs the person doing it out of pocket is a real line item, and it belongs in the open before the yes.

Question four: what is the exit, and how much notice is fair?

Every standing job needs an exit. Ask how a person steps back, how much notice is expected, and who takes over. If the exit is 'just stop,' the job will end badly, and the person who stops will feel they have to justify it. A notice period that everyone agrees to in advance keeps the stopping fair.

Question five: who decides when the plan needs to change?

Mom's needs will change, and the job will need to change with them. Ask who decides when a standing job grows, shrinks, or moves to someone else, and whether that decision is made in the group or by one person. Name the decider in writing. The person doing the job should never have to guess who gets to say when it has changed.

If the answer is a partial yes

A partial yes is a real answer. You can take the Thursday mail run and say no to the Sunday call. Write the partial job down exactly as agreed, and treat it as a full commitment for as long as it lasts. A clear partial yes does more for the family than a full yes that falls apart in a month.

For a broader look at how this group might sort out who does what, see Start here.