Entry 05 of 08 · The people

The sibling with power of attorney won't share information. Here is what the paper actually says.

Q: What does the paper require of her?

More than most agents know. Missouri law says that an attorney in fact who elects to act under a power of attorney is under a duty to act in the interest of the principal and to avoid conflicts of interest that impair the ability of the attorney in fact so to act . The same section says the agent has a fiduciary obligation to exercise the powers conferred in the best interests of the principal, and to avoid self-dealing and conflicts of interest , must act with that degree of care that would be observed by a prudent person dealing with the property and conducting the affairs of another , and has a duty to keep in regular contact with the principal, to communicate with the principal and to obtain and follow the instructions of the principal . Read that last one twice. The person your sister answers to is Mom, and the statute says she has to keep asking Mom what Mom wants.

Q: Is she required to show me the bank statements?

This site cannot answer that for your family, and be suspicious of any page that does. The honest answer is that it depends on what Mom's document says, on Missouri law as a lawyer reads it, and on whether Mom herself, if she is able, wants you to see them. What the CFPB says to the agent is this: family or friends may not agree with your decisions about her money and property; to help reduce any friction, follow the four duties, and sharing information may help, for example any accountings you prepare or summaries of how you have spent her money, unless she has said that you should not . That is the federal guide, written for your sister, telling her that sharing is the way to keep the peace. It is not an order. It is a very good reason to ask nicely for a summary instead of demanding a login.

What a power of attorney does and does not entitle an agent to, and what the rest of you can reasonably ask for.

Your sister holds the power of attorney and will not share the bank statements. A sibling with power of attorney who won't share information is a search people run at this hour because it feels like being locked out of your own mother. Before you decide what it means, read what the paper actually is. Most of the heat comes from three siblings holding three different ideas of what a power of attorney does. This page names the duties, says what the rest of you can reasonably ask for, and tells you when the question becomes a lawyer's. It does not tell you how to take your sister to court. It is not legal advice.

What a power of attorney is, and is not

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau's guide for family members serving as agents describes it this way: a power of attorney is a legal document that gives a person legal authority to make decisions about someone's money or property, so that they can make decisions for her if she is sick or injured. Mom is the principal. Your sister is the agent, or in Missouri's word, the attorney in fact. The document is a grant from Mom, not a promotion from the family, and Mom can take away, or revoke, the agent's authority at any time if she wants to and is still able to make decisions.

Missouri has two separate documents that families blur together. One is for health, under a law that names itself the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Act; the Missouri Bar publishes that form free and says you do not need a lawyer to complete it. The other is for money and property. A sister who holds the health care document is not automatically in charge of the checking account. Ask which one exists. Ask to read it. If Mom can still decide, it is Mom's to grant.

What does the paper require of her?

More than most agents know. Missouri law says an attorney in fact who elects to act is under a duty to act in the interest of the principal and to avoid conflicts of interest, must act with that degree of care that would be observed by a prudent person dealing with the property and conducting the affairs of another, and has a duty to keep in regular contact with the principal, to communicate with the principal and to obtain and follow the instructions of the principal. The person your sister answers to is Mom, and the statute says she has to keep asking Mom what Mom wants.

The CFPB turns the same duties into four plain sentences: act only in the person's best interest, manage her money and property carefully, keep her money and property separate, and keep good records. The guide says you must keep true and complete records of her money and property, that the power of attorney or state law may say that someone else can review your records to check up on you, and that you should never mix her money or property with your own or someone else's.

Is she required to show me the bank statements?

This site cannot answer that for your family. It depends on what Mom's document says, on Missouri law as a lawyer reads it, and on whether Mom herself, if she is able, wants you to see them. What the CFPB says to the agent is this: family or friends may not agree with your decisions about her money and property; to help reduce any friction, follow the four duties, and sharing information may help, for example any accountings you prepare or summaries of how you have spent her money, unless she has said that you should not. That is a reason to ask for a summary instead of a login. It is not an order.

What you can reasonably ask for

To read the document. Not to hold it. To know which kind it is, when it was signed, and what it covers. If Mom can decide, ask Mom.
A monthly summary, not a password. Income in, bills out, care paid, balance. One page.
The care invoices. If Mom's money pays an aide, the invoice is the receipt for a shared decision.
A line on the meeting agenda. "Money: summary from the agent." Ten minutes, every month.
Nothing from before this year. The 2011 car is not on the list.

Do not ask for the checkbook, and do not ask in the thread. Ask at the meeting, on the record.

What if there is no power of attorney at all?

Then nobody holds it, including the sibling acting like she does. If Mom can still sign, the Missouri Bar publishes the health care form free and says you do not need a lawyer to complete it, and Missouri Legal Services describes the two common advance directives as a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, which appoints an agent to make health care decisions when you are unable to, and a Health Care Choices Directive similar to a living will. A money document is a lawyer's job. If Mom can no longer sign, the route runs through a court: Missouri law defines a guardian as one appointed by a court to have the care and custody of the person and a conservator as one appointed by a court to have the care and custody of the estate. That is as far as this site goes. The Missouri Bar lists LawyerSearch, discounted and pro bono services, and a Legal Resources Line at 573.636.3635.

When to call a lawyer, and when to call the hotline

Call a lawyer when the question is what the document allows, whether Mom had capacity when she signed it, or whether an agent can be asked by a court for an accounting. This page does not have those answers. Call the hotline when the question is safety, not information. The CFPB tells agents that if they think the person is being abused or exploited by someone else, they should talk to a trusted family member, a lawyer, or an official from adult protective services, the police, or the sheriff. In Missouri that report goes to the Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline at 1-800-392-0210, seven days a week from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., and the Attorney General lists the Consumer Protection Hotline at 1-800-392-8222 for a senior who has been defrauded. Withholding a bank statement from a sibling is not, by itself, either of those things. Money leaving Mom's account for something that is not Mom is. If you are not sure, that is what the lawyer is for.

What to do tonight

Write down what you actually know: which document exists, who signed it, when, and what you have seen with your own eyes about Mom's money. Then write the one-line ask for the next meeting: "A one-page monthly summary from the agent, starting next month." Do not send it to the thread. Read the CFPB guide linked on this page. It is written for your sister, and it tells you what you can expect and what you cannot.

When to ask the care team or the doctor

The health care document has its own rule. Missouri law says that in making any health care decision under it, the attorney in fact shall seek and consider information concerning the patient's medical diagnosis, prognosis, and the benefits and burdens of the treatment. That information comes from the physician, not from the family. If the fight is about whether Mom can still decide things for herself, that is a capacity question and it belongs with her doctor, not with a group text. Nobody on this site can assess it, and nobody in your family should try.

The paper, as line itemsWhat it costs to know what the document says.
Who does what	What it costs
Find out which power of attorney exists: health, money, or both	1 conversation with Mom
Ask to read it, at the meeting, on the record	10 minutes
One-page monthly summary from the agent (sister, Kirkwood)	30 minutes a month
Care invoices copied to the shared folder	2 minutes an invoice
Elder law consultation on what the document allows	1 hour, fee $
Read the CFPB agents guide, every sibling	1 hour each
What the agent owes	Mom's best interest, separate money, good records. Not your approval.

The one-page family meeting agenda

Nine lines, a chair who is not you, a timer for the feelings. Adapted from the Family Caregiver Alliance. Print it. Send it a week ahead.

Download the agenda (plain text)

Sources on this page

Every fact on this page is linked in the sentence it appears in. The sources page lists each URL with the date it was checked.

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